It’s an interesting story to tell at parties, I guess. By the time each player has given their best impersonation of a racehorse down my throat, I f...el like my body is 90% pee. I thought I had my eyes closed, but they’re not.“I can’t see...”“Yeah, piss toilets often complain about blindness after drinking too much piss. It’ll fix itself in a few hours. Now, listen to me. This bathroom is where you’re going to spend most of your time this year. From 6 AM to 9 PM, you’re either in class or in. Jack made a few last minute adjustments to the position of his daughter's knees,moving them up to about the height of his waist as he stood between them. Whenall was in readiness, Jack thanked the doctor for his assistance."You're quite welcome, Mr. Merrick. The small, paper containers you requested arein the dispenser adjacent to your daughter's right hip, and as you know there aremoist wipes and towels in the drawer over there." He nodded toward a cabinetacross the room. "If you won't be. Except everybody wins." But what do you need the coupons for? I don't need coupons to do chores." Oh, yes, you do," I said. "You may not recall, but I mentioned last week that you haven't lifted a finger around here for a month, and you promised to reform. Things haven't changed a bit. I figure if I give you a coupon for doing something, you'll actually do it, instead of just saying you will and then not doing it." I get distracted," he said. "I mean to do things, but I just forget. I have a. I had a giant redwood lodged between the cheeks of my bum. Had it been felled in the night? The trunk moved. Felled trees rarely, if ever got up again. I lay in a puzzled sort of funk. How was I was supposed react to finding a giant redwood poking into my body. How was I supposed to react to the little branches tickling my skin? Chop them off? How would the redwood’s owner react when he discovered that I’d trimmed his branches? I chewed my hair in an effort to keep the noise of laughter.
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